Ion Bond ([info]ion_bond) wrote in [info]xmenflashfic,

In Reverse -- "Countdown," PG

Title: Countdown
Author: Ion Bond (merctionicht@yahoo.com)
Rating: PG
'Verse: Movies
Challenge: In Reverse
Words: 645
Summary: Pyro's been waiting all his life.
Notes: This is posted with the scenes in the other direction at my own journal.



5.

There’s so many of them, and they’re ready for anything. The trees here are grand and dark and immanently flammable and they’re all milling around, all these mutants, waiting for the boss. Pyro feels safe and impatient at the same time.

The chick with the studded lip and the hard-core tattoos walks over to him, getting right in his face. Pyro doesn’t know her. He stands his ground, hand in his pocket; he’s ready too.

“Do you have a light?” she asks.

“Dude,” says Pyro, grinning at her. “Do I ever.”

4.

Magneto’s out getting groceries, which is dumb, because it’s siesta or something; Pyro can’t hear any cars passing outside the cement wall. He bets the old man comes home empty-handed and pissed-off.

In the mean time, Pyro’s alone with Mystique in the compound, the one o’clock sun warming his black tee-shirt. There’s little kids screaming in the street, but she’s reading her book and sipping her beer at the white-painted filigreed-iron table in the middle of their private garden, pretending not to hear.

It’s easy to pretend to be somewhere else, here. He thinks that's why Magneto picked it.

“You mind if I smoke?” Pyro asks, pulling out his half-crushed pack.

Mystique lays the book in her scaly lap and narrows her Corona-colored eyes at him. “Knock yourself out. Do I look like your mom?”

No, she certainly does not, and he would take this as an invitation to stare at her breasts if she didn’t scare the crap out of him.

He flicks his lighter instead. “Thanks.”

3.

Bobby blows on his fingers, pinches out his cigarette, and throws it on the ground.

“Look at that,” says John, kicking at the dirt. “That is a long-ass cigarette butt. What a waste.”

“Maybe I don’t want to get lung cancer,” Bobby says defensively.

“You already gave him the cigarette, John. You’re not going to get it back,” says Marie. She shoves at Bobby playfully. “What do you care if he’s too much of a pussy to smoke the whole thing?”

John snaps open his zippo. “He's just doing it to make me mad.”

Marie sighs a breath of smoke. “It’s not all about you,” she says slowly, like he’s stupid. She stubs out her own cigarette on the low garden wall. “You probably have some kind of complex.”

“Thank you, Dr. Freud,” says John.

Bobby smiles at her. “Nah. Only rich kids have complexes -- right, Pyro?”

“Damn straight,” he says, thumb on the flint.

2.

John finally ditched that Drake kid and he’s sitting out behind the greenhouse alone, trying not to cough. He’s sorry for burning his bridges at home, now. He really doesn’t want to be here, either.

He sees Dr. Grey -- the hot teacher -- through the two layers of glass, heading in his direction and he quickly drops the cigarette he's smoking, but she’s turning back toward the mansion like she forgot something.

John guesses she must not have noticed him. He bends down to pick up the cigarette; it’s still burning.

Don’t make it a habit.

Shit, he’s hearing things.

Or he can pretend, that anyway.

1.

John’s mom smokes a pack a day and his clothes always smell like Camels. Not just his clothes; it must be everything he owns, but John never noticed until Keith Frye’s sleepover birthday party. He was lying on the floor on the clean white carpet in Keith’s living room, minding his own business, and Anthony Perry pushed him and told him to move over cause his sleeping bag smelled weird. But he couldn’t cause the coffee table was right there and there was nowhere to move to.

“I told him he smelled weird,” John tells his mom in the car on the way home.

“Good for you,” she says, putting her cigarette out in the ashtray. She looks like she feels kind of guilty.

The Toyota Tercel smells like smoke, too, even with the windows rolled all the way down. But it’s not the same kind of smoke the living room started to smell like after Anthony touched him, a stinky smell like burning plastic or something.

John was all ready to stop, drop and roll.

fin.

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  • 26 comments

[info]lonelywalker

May 9 2006, 11:57:52 UTC 6 years ago

::sniff sniff::

Do I smell burning?

I like. Muchly.

[info]ion_bond

May 9 2006, 13:17:54 UTC 6 years ago

Thanks!

[info]lilacsigil

May 9 2006, 12:43:52 UTC 6 years ago

Wow! I enjoyed the forward chronology version, but I love the backwards one. John seems to have control, power and cool, but the backwards chronology undermines this more and more until he's just an echo of something he once hated, and the realisation of an accident of genetics.

The middle section was a great switch between John and Pyro, from the hesitant kid to the over-confident not-quite-adult.

[info]ion_bond

May 9 2006, 13:23:48 UTC 6 years ago

Thank you!

I wrote this story forwards, the shallow goal being to bring Pyro to the point where he might be able to get some ass. (This was atonement for what I did to Charles and Erik yesterday.) But when I though about turning it backwards and tweaked it a little, it changed.

I'm pretty sure I like the backwards version too. Pyro's got layers of posturing that can be stripped away, but there's something strong at the center. He's kind of like Spike from BtVS that way.

[info]scoured

May 9 2006, 13:06:20 UTC 6 years ago

I can't decide which version I like better, either. Seeing both is really neat, though, because each one definitely has a different emotional tenor to it.

Either way, my favorite section is the one with Mystique. You really nailed his voice and the way he would react to the presence that is Mystique there.

[info]ion_bond

May 9 2006, 13:27:09 UTC 6 years ago

Thanks!

each one definitely has a different emotional tenor to it.

Yeah, isn't that weird?

Mystique is really great with kids. *g* My favorite part of writing Don't Fear God was the bit where Jason turns up at her door, and putting her with John is even better, because he's horny.

[info]inathunderstorm

May 9 2006, 13:48:01 UTC 6 years ago

Oh, I like this! I like the whole control element and how that played out, but in the end, he's really not in control of it at all. Okay, that makes more sense in my head (it's early).

I'll have to go read the other now, but my favorite line is:
“Dude,” says Pyro, grinning at her. “Do I ever.”

Hee! Awesome job :)

[info]inathunderstorm

May 9 2006, 13:48:21 UTC 6 years ago

*fails at HTML*

[info]ion_bond

May 9 2006, 15:14:36 UTC 6 years ago

I think I identify with John more than any other X-Men character. This is really pathetic.

But it makes it easy to write his dialogue.

[info]inathunderstorm

May 9 2006, 15:16:37 UTC 6 years ago

Hey, not going to say anything. I think a 16 year old boy lives in my head. *g*

So yay for that! It means you'll write more. *nods*

[info]ion_bond

May 9 2006, 15:19:54 UTC 6 years ago

Nuh uh.

[info]inathunderstorm

May 9 2006, 15:20:47 UTC 6 years ago

Yeah huh.

[info]ion_bond

May 9 2006, 15:24:06 UTC 6 years ago

If this were my own journal, I would say "nuh UH!" again.

Oh wait. I just did.

[info]aphrodite_mine

May 9 2006, 18:17:01 UTC 6 years ago

Awesome!!! I seriously have so much growing love for Pyro it's not even funny.

[info]ion_bond

May 9 2006, 18:19:04 UTC 6 years ago

Thanks! Me too. I hope he isn't lame in X3.

[info]worblehat

May 9 2006, 21:14:42 UTC 6 years ago

I'm glad I read this in reverse first. I think it would work being read both ways, but this one adds a little something more - makes you think more, which I like.

And this first bit:

“Do you have a light?” she asks.

“Dude,” says Pyro, grinning at her. “Do I ever.”


I'm sure someone has already said, but that? Pure hilarity.

LOVED your Pyro here. :D

[info]ion_bond

May 9 2006, 21:36:33 UTC 6 years ago

Thanks!

[info]penelopeblack

May 9 2006, 21:16:39 UTC 6 years ago

Aww, Pyro. *squishes him* This was fabulous. I love the continuing bit about the cigarettes. You really have him down. Great job. :)

[info]ion_bond

May 9 2006, 21:37:45 UTC 6 years ago

Hey, thank you.

You really have him down.

Must be my misspent youth.

[info]viciouswishes

May 12 2006, 03:18:28 UTC 6 years ago

Excellent Pyro character study.

[info]ion_bond

May 12 2006, 09:02:27 UTC 6 years ago

Why, thank you.

[info]likeadeuce

April 27 2007, 04:09:02 UTC 5 years ago

I love the reverse angle on this -- like unpeeling an onion.

[info]musamea

April 27 2007, 04:48:40 UTC 5 years ago

Linked backward from [info]remix_redux to find this gem of a fic. I really love the structure you used here, and this: “Dude,” says Pyro, grinning at her. “Do I ever.”? Best. line. ever.

[info]eldee

May 3 2007, 09:16:40 UTC 5 years ago

Am here from the redux fic link, but I just wanted to say that I think this is such a great flashfic of Pyro's character. :)

[info]wizefics

May 4 2007, 15:10:28 UTC 5 years ago

Also here from remix, but this was great! I liked it and the backwards countdown was really clever. Number one was so sad...
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